Your Friendship that Carries Me
Greetings lovely one,
I once had a friend who saw me for who I was and accepted me. And I loved him for it. This cherished memory comes to mind after a week of trainings with the New England School of Addiction and Prevention Studies Summer School. In wanting to have a more rounded view of the many facets of suicidology, which to me includes biopsychosocial factors that lead to substance misuse, I found myself applying for a scholarship to learn among colleagues in a field in which I haven’t directly worked in nearly 20 years. The training offered courses such as trauma-informed healing, taking a compassionate approach to support of recovery, ethics, and grief after substance-involved death. I found it applicable to more than addiction and recovery work.
If you don’t already know, I began my career in the field of addictions. Like literally interned with the juvenile justice systems specifically in their (previously called) substance abuse program, an attempt to lower recidivism rates by offering an alternative route before the youth became men with patterned behaviors. From that internship I would then go on to pursue a career as a CADC (Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor) before I went in a completely different direction. But being in the field challenged direct service workers to do our own recovery work (otherwise the field would eventually eat us alive). And I would eventually find myself in the room of my 12-step ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families) meeting, where I made some of my most accepting, deepest friendships.
At the time, all those years ago, I found much dark humor in the fact that I’d feel most at home with those who felt broken, weary, and deeply soul-hurt. Never would I imagine that that experience would be the measure of light which would shine in the swamplands of my unrest, my liminal space, where who I was wrestled with who God was calling me to become. I never imagined that God would speak directly to my condition and say, “I know who you are, I know where you’ve been, and I want you” … not “I want you anyway, not I want you despite of, but because I want you.” My experience standing stuck in the muck would grant me grace to companion others when they felt at their lowest because real recognizes real. I’d become inspired to pursue the way of love, to pursue the study of a theology of love, to embrace a theopoetics of love to get to the true heart of healing.
As our society and world turns further and further towards the path of division, closed mindedness, hatred, war, and destruction, I find it quite challenging to remain steadfast in the Way of Love. Not because I don’t believe in it, but because I wonder if what I’m doing is enough.
I have faith, help my lack of faith! (Mark 9:24)
I find myself revisiting books such as Sacred Belonging by the theologian Kat Armas who writes “To see the world with a ‘good eye’ meant maintaining a posture of abundance and generosity … to have a ‘bad eye’ then is to see the world through scarcity.” She gives context to the eye metaphor and its application in ancient times. “At its core, scarcity mentality exists within a spectrum of competition, assuming resources are finite and must be obtained at the expense of people or groups. This is the mindset of empire that insatiably seeks to gain more – more land, more control, and more power.” And of course we are fully aware of its repercussions.
Still she leaves readers an invitation of sorts … “to be liberated from a scarcity mindset requires investment in and commitment to solidarity practices across our communities … Jesus had a holistic vision of community.”
That makes sense to me, his prayer was the “we’d all be one”, not the same, but one. One body with many beautiful parts. Surely, it’s not just happenstance that sociologist Eric Fromm talks about oneness vs. sameness in his book “The Art of Loving.”
And so I think about the context in which Jesus began his ministry, the context of the lives in which some of my spiritual mentors engaged in ministry and found the strength to remain true to following the Way in my time.
There’s this quote I like from a speech that goes: “You are still standing there, and haven’t given up. As long as one tries to take even one step towards the light, the human spirit can never truly be defeated.” It’s a quote from a sci-fi anime! The character who spoke these words, Klaus, was addressing his teammate to encourage him as he stood ready with another teammate to help save the world. They were partners, they offered each other support for their part of the journey. The Way of Love was never meant to be a solitary path. Jesus would take time away to pray, get in some him and Abba time, and then return to the people and his ministry work.
I am constantly learning to love deeper in the context of my interpersonal relationships and my current reality which includes this political climate. It’s hard out here for an introvert! And I find myself appreciating the opportunity to return – just for a short time and through work trainings – to my starting point where I am once again sharing space with some of the most bluntly honest, accepting, and gracious people recovery can offer. For a Jersey girl like me in this New England atmosphere, it’s super refreshing!
And being there reminded me once again that there is indeed that of God in all of us. Because there in those classes, a good amount of us were people who were in some form of recovery, and a good amount of us had in some way, shape, or form been that person – you know the one – the jerk, the outcast, the written off, the lost sheep, the prodigal son, the jezebel, the woman with too many issues desperate to touch just a piece of healing power, the Saul before Paul. And many of us met with the Higher Power of our own understanding who greeted us, told us to go and sin no more, gave us new eyes to see, hearts to serve, experience that humbled and offered us new meaning, purpose, ministry. And I continue to look around and see others who have also agreed to that invitation to take that of God within, and be it in the world … I know we are not alone.
Ya’ll, I have a Friend who sees me for who I am and accepts me. And I love Him for it!
Peace, Love, and Wellness,
Your Sister Friend Lynette
(More formally, Sister Lynette Davis, SFCC, but feel free to call me Lyn)
Thanks for reading! Care to share the love?
Pass Take What You Need on to a colleague/friend/someone you think would enjoy, and share widely.
Get access to new posts and other treasures in your inbox. Hit that subscribe button below!
What’s the Buzz? Here’s what’s happening
JOIN US: Join me and other like-hearted women for a soul-care retreat in a tranquil and serene space near my hometown, where we can go deeper, reflect, play, heal, and create from a restored and reenergized place.
Registration for the second annual Transformative Love Retreat is now open.
Learn more and register today! https://lynettedavis.com/retreat/
P.S. This will be the last time I host in Jersey for a while, so if you're local to the area and holding off, YOU MAY WANT TO TAKE THAT STEP FORWARD. Now is the perfect time to come.
Once more, we do have one scholarship available for a soul sister who could really use time for sacred pause, but is in between financial blessings at this time. (My bestie suggested the use of that phrase instead of saying you brokety-broke!)
AVAILABLE NOW: I’m a contributing writer to the latest edition of “Illuminate” — the only Bible study curriculum written by Friends (Quakers). Faith groups and communities all over the U.S. and some in other countries will be using this study guide in June, July, and August. So can you! Purchase a print or digital copy of Illuminate here.
AVAILABLE NOW: A while back, I was deeply honored to be invited to include my essay "All In" in an anthology of writings from the Quaker journal What Canst Thou Say. The book, titled “God's Grace: Comforting, Guiding Supporting," is a collection of essays about mysticism and mystical experiences, and I'm sure you'll find many wonderful pieces to enjoy. Grab your copy today.
COMMUNITY MEMBER KUDOS:
Two Love Agent readers shared fantastic news about their children, so I’m going to make an exception and give two kudos this month since I missed last month.
Congrats to Savannah on the design of your new game! Here’s the link to access it for any of my gamer reader friends who want to check it out.
[ College student group project credits: Producer: Aidan Besselman-Goldes, Designers: Riley Plourde & Erianna Hilliard, Programmers: Benjamin Politzer & Lucas Bonanno, Artists: Adele Goldader & Sophia Bourgeois, Narrative Designer: Savannah Moore, Sound Designer: Benjamin Bahoque]
Congrats to Ethan on your graduation! May your college years continue to open your eyes and give you a broader worldview to make sound decisions from a place of love.
Do you have something coming up that you’d like me to share next month (a new creative work, a new service or program, looking to hire for a new position, etc.)? Email me so I can give you Kudos. First come, first featured. (This opportunity is for email and irl community members only.)
Tales from the blog keepers
My friend Vernetta schools us on Juneteenth and will make you want to try her mama’s peach cobbler by the time you’re done reading. She shares that “When people taste something that just stirs their soul they want that sensation or memory to linger just a little while longer, so they have something to talk about later.” This is how she wants people to understand Juneteenth and why it’s entwined in the souls of Black Texans.
A poetry editor friend shared this post, and I thought I’d pass it along… “So many of us are trying to manage intense emotions without ever learning how. We’re told to ‘calm down’ or ‘take a breath,’ but when your nervous system is activated, those things aren’t always accessible, especially if you don’t know what your body actually needs. Self-regulation isn’t about being calm all the time. It’s about understanding your system, noticing what state you’re in, and learning how to support yourself through it. Not to fix it, not to avoid it but to move through it in a way that’s grounded and safe.” Check it out.
Another F/friend shares that defiance, at its core, is a matter of perspective. Whether an action is seen as rebellion or righteousness depends greatly on one’s access to power. And then asks, Do we embrace the prophetic voice in our midst or dismiss it for its inconvenience? Good question! Read on to find out how she and another Quaker theologian turned this question over and over.
Some time ago, I was reading up on this trend in a book on creating grief spaces (I was doing research for my work in creating space for communal lament). I’m not surprised to hear that a growing number of artists and collectives in cities like London and New York are hosting cathartic Grief Raves – daytime techno gatherings where mourners process grief through dance, song, and shared ritual. This is why artists and creatives matter.
Muse of the month
Blerd’s the word
I was able to attend an Anime Con this year, and this time I had Blerdy friends to make plans with!
I met up with Pikachu and took this candid.
"One body with many beautiful parts." Wish more people saw things this way.