On Being Human
Greetings lovely one,
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a lone autumn leaf flipping around on a small twig, the last holdout on an otherwise bare tree.
I noticed it as I waited at a red light. This was clearly one of those, I’m gonna be at this light at least two more cycles, kinds of red lights. The traffic line stretched too long for a “quick run around the corner.” I was just returning from the pharmacy, picking up medicine for a cold—thanks to my 4-year-old nephew, who shared it with me during my visit home for Christmas. Honestly, the long drive and the thousand and one kisses were worth it, even if the body aches really do suck.
Just that morning, I had written a journal entry reflecting on change. Now, as I stared at the single leaf, I couldn’t help but chuckle, seeing its struggle as a fitting metaphor for my own dance with grief this year. That moment of reflection at the red light inspired me to share a tweaked version of my journal entry with you today.
I’ve written before that, even though I know change is inevitable, I struggle with it. Contrary to Vulcan logic, change is flat-out hard to accept at times. I drag my feet, resisting even after complaining about my circumstances. Maybe the Jersey girl in me just likes complaining for the sake of complaining.
Maybe I sometimes get stuck in the awareness of my problems without really wanting to fix them. Whatever the reason, the clutter I avoid piles up in my heart. Sometimes, it’s as basic as my doctor giving me new prescriptions I don’t want because I feel I’m too young, or signing up for a digital course to gain new knowledge I supposedly want only to let it gather cyber dust.
My perfectionist side wants instant talent in anything that interests me. But, since I’m still not an astrophysicist working for NASA or some top-tier tech Uni, the reality is my life doesn’t work that way. So, I have to put in those 10,000 hours of practice on a craft. This usually requires changes in habits, focus, or drive.
Facing those kinds of changes can feel like death—or at least like the end of a familiar chapter in a well-read book. In truth, it is the death of a way of being that no longer serves who we are becoming. Sometimes, we’d rather linger in what we know, even if it hinders our growth. We’d rather cling to what was, even if it means not maturing, not moving with the ebb and flow of the seasons.
I sometimes kick myself for resisting change, but I’m learning that stubborn resistance is deeply, beautifully human. Like that lone leaf holding on for one last dance, it’s natural. And all I can do is give myself grace and compassion rather than shame myself into compliance.
Reflecting on this, I realize it’s one of the main reasons why I pursued the study of love. I wanted to change, but I grew frustrated with myself for my slow progress. Real growth only came when I seriously considered the question, “Do you want to be healed?” (John 5:6). Through this, I discovered the importance of loving myself through change—not just after I had already changed.
Studying love opened doors to many wonderful discoveries: research on trauma, poetry about love and death, grief support, a process theology about suffering, heck, even thanatology… It continues to shape how I think about life, how I understand myself, and how I perceive the world. Because of this, when I actually do the work of loving and extending compassion, I not only change myself—I transform the world. We all do.
All of this learning mattered this year, which has been challenging in so many ways. I’ve had to accept a world without the grandmother who helped raise me in it… not in her human form, at least. I’ve had to accept a world where, at times, I feel like I’m screaming out into a void or preaching to the choir. I’ve had to accept closed doors. I didn’t feel ready for these changes. I look around, and I see so much suffering and denial of suffering to justify cruelty. I mourn. We still don’t get it. We still haven’t learned. And I wonder… are we, as a human race, that lone leaf, not yet ready to let go?
A frozen picture of a time that never actually existed sits on a windowsill of a haunted house.
These days, in a culture where we filter out our flaws, it’s easy to forget what’s real. But the edited version is not who we really are. We are human—scars, veins, blotches, and all. We cannot offer love to the whole if we deny, filter, or flat-out disappear what makes us uncomfortable. Facing reality means seeing that, beyond the still image, there is movement, change. By examining my own resistance to small things, I’ve begun to understand how personal struggles can exacerbate on a larger scale, especially when one has greater power and influence.
This willingness to be real with myself has shaped my year. I’ve shared my grief here—admitting my struggles with writing and showing up just to say morning greetings. I didn’t want to hide my process: working with a death doula, seeking a nutritionist to address post-surgery weight gain, and facing grief eating. I’ve always openly discussed my mental health here and on my blog. I didn’t want to magically show up talkin ‘bout intentions, and visioning, and life in a notebook planning and leave out my humanity so you can have a polished version of a me that doesn’t exist.
Despite my name’s meaning, I’m no idol, nor do I aspire to be. I’m not striving for sainthood, and despite wishing it were otherwise, I’m most certainly no perfect being. I hurt, I bleed, I have a pulse, and it beats for justice. I struggle towards that justice, and I don’t choose love lightly…I choose love with an effort. I live love out loud with effort, and I share love with effort.
So, as the new year approaches, let these lessons guide you: Rest. Cry. Be angry. Cocoon. Renew.
In the year to come, let yourself be human—then, battered or not, rise again and choose love with fierce determination each and every time.
Peace, Love, and Wellness,
Your Sister Friend Lynette
(More formally, Sister Lynette Davis, SFCC, but feel free to call me Lyn)
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What’s the Buzz? Here’s what’s happening
AVAILABLE NOW: I’m a contributing writer to the latest edition of “Illuminate” — the only Bible study curriculum written by Friends (Quakers). Faith groups and communities all over the U.S. and some in other countries will be using this study guide in December, January, and February. So can you! Purchase a print or digital copy of Illuminate here.
AVAILABLE NOW: A while back, I was deeply honored to be invited to include my essay “All In” in an anthology of writings from the Quaker journal What Canst Thou Say. The book, titled “God’s Grace: Comforting, Guiding Supporting,” is a collection of essays about mysticism and mystical experiences, and I’m sure you’ll find many wonderful pieces to enjoy. Grab your copy today.
COMMUNITY MEMBER KUDOS:
Friend Mary Kay Glazer is facilitating a class called Discernment for Ministers. This workshop is for anyone wanting to live in alignment with their faith and core values, and will benefit from exploring discernment. But, it is especially important for those in public ministry and those who carry a particular concern (e.g., earth care, political activism, spiritual nurture of a particular group). What a timely class for the new season we enter as the year turns.
Do you have something coming up that you’d like me to share next month (a new creative work, a new service or program, looking to hire for a new position, etc.)? Email me so I can give you Kudos. First come, first featured. (This opportunity is for email and irl community members only.)
Tales from the blog keepers
Grief and Creativity in Public Ministry: Why This Recent Public Conversation Mattered, a recap of a night of storytelling and conversation.
The Pendle Hill Quaker Center holds a special place in my heart as the location of my very first silent retreat. So I appreciated this post from Friend and writing mentor Marcelle Martin on Remembering Who You Really Are in such a community space.
Muse(s) of the month
contrast on purpose
Blerd’s the word
Taking a moment to remember Ash, a cosplayer who died by suicide this past November, by sharing some resources for getting help and support (below the image).
Check out the website: Stop Bullying to learn how to identify bullying and stand up to it safely.
Don’t forget that you do not have to walk this journey alone. It’s OK to seek help.
I’ve found amazing therapists over on Therapy for Black Girls. The awesome private practice I worked with for years is also listed on this site.
Also, The Confess Project is a national leader in community-rooted mental health advocacy. We partner with barbers, stylists, educators, healthcare professionals, and community leaders to strengthen trusted spaces for honest conversation and community care.
This was so beautifully written.
Thanks for the link to my Life Notebook piece, Lynette! I appreciate you!